Take a Look at Your Relationship

There are many reasons why people enter into relationships and many reasons why they end. Some people are more enamored with the idea of ”being in love” than the actual person with whom they are in a relationship. 

If at all it happen that you get dumped, try to step back and take a good look at the relationship that just ended. Take out a piece of paper and write down the things that you liked about the relationship as well as the things that you didn’t like. Find out what you liked about the relationship and what you didn’t like. Put them down on paper. See if you can see a pattern in the following list of ”likes” and ”dislikes” in one particular relationship that ended.

Likes:

She is really pretty and has a nice figure I like being able to call her my girlfriend in front of my friends My friends thought she was pretty I liked having sex with her and holding her.

Dislikes:

She seemed selfish and would not let me borrow a CD I asked to borrow, She didn’t like my sister, She was always interrupting my sentences I wasn’t really interested in anything she had to say We didn’t share most of the same interests in food, music or TV She always wanted me to go to her church Do you see anything wrong with the above “relationship?” Who do you think dumped who? Why do you think this relationship ended? How old do you think the people in this relationship were? 

The answers may surprise you. This was a real relationship. The people in the relationship were not teenagers, but in their 40s. Both had been married and divorced and had children. The person who wrote the list was dumped by the woman who didn’t like his family, did not share any of his interests and would not let him borrow a music CD that cost her $12. After writing this list, the man involved in the relationship realized that there wasn’t too much he liked about this woman at all, other than the fact that she was nice looking and he liked having sex with her. 

The ”relationship” was nothing more than a very superficial affair that was never going anywhere to begin with. In the above case, the man didn’t miss the woman at all. He didn’t even like his girlfriend. What he did like was the idea of having a girlfriend to whom he was attracted, could show off to his friends and who would have sex with him when needed. A healthy relationship is based more on respect than physical attraction. While physical attraction and ”chemistry” plays a big part of every relationship, it is far from the only thing. No matter how passionate you are about someone, no matter how much they light your fire, after a matter of years, the passion dies. This is why there are so many books out there to “rekindle” relationships and hotels that cater to married couples and offer a romantic weekend.

To a degree, a couple can rekindle some of their passion, but it will never be the same as it was in the beginning of the relationship. Half of the passion was due to not knowing if the other person felt the same way and wondering where the relationship was heading. After people have been together awhile and the deal is sealed, so to speak, the passion dissipates. What remains, however, is respect and friendship. These are the two basic foundations for any relationship. If you do not have this, you do not have a relationship. You cannot ”love” someone without liking them. Did you like the person who dumped you or were you just in love with the idea of being in love? Were you truly friends or was it just a physical thing? Did the relationship start off with a bang? Most relationships that begin like a raging fire die out quickly. The relationships that last are those that begin like a slow fire that continues to get stoked until it begins to burn steadily.

Many of us have watched too many films that depict people ”falling in love” immediately and think that this should happen to us as well. In this day and age when we want everything instantly, it is no wonder that we also demand the same when it comes to ”chemistry” in a relationship.

Anyone who has ever dated on the internet will be able to tell you that they went on many dates that there was ”no chemistry”. People who date on the internet often set themselves up for disappointment as they arrange for a “meeting” to see if there is any “chemistry”.

Again, while physical attraction is important, chemistry is not something that happens instantly. It is something that should occur from getting to know someone over a period of time and getting to actually ”like” them.

Think about your past love for whom you are pining. Imagine that he or she lost their legs in some horrible accident. Would you still want them? Would you be willing to take care of them?

What if they were maimed and scarred in a fire? Would you still love them? Would you be able to see past the scars and love them for who they are inside?

If the answer is ”no”, then you were more in love with the idea of love than the actual person. If you can truthfully answer “yes” to both instances, than the person who dumped you is really quite the loser in this situation and you really deserve someone who will love you the same way in return.